Bliss
by TheMistressOfMisery
Summary: How did life get so messed up? Contains BoyxBoy and depressing subject matter. Don't like it? Here's a simple solution! Don't click on this story.


**Can Be Read alone or as a Prequel to **_Novocain_

I cry out in slight panic as Craig plunges into me. He strokes my hair and 'sshes' me gently, holding me and whispering how much he loves me.

_How can you love me when you're ripping me in two?_ I wonder, wincing as he begins to move within me, "its ok baby." He purrs licking up and neck and laying down a trail of hot kisses.  
_How can this be love? _Tears well in my eyes, threatening to spill over. It hurts so badly.

"I'm going to go a bit faster; just breathe and it'll get better." He promises as he plunges in deeper.

It didn't…not really. The pain subsides a bit as his pace increases, but no pleasure came to blot it out.

Afterwards I lay panting next to him, chest heaving, and body glistening with sweat. I'm too sore to move. _How could that be love?_ I roll on my side, exhausted wanting nothing more than sleep. Craig wraps his arms around me, resting his head on my shoulder and giving me sweet kisses on it. I just want to sleep. That's all. Craig places another kiss on my nose and gets out of the bed, tugging his jeans on.

"Remember Tweeky this is our little secret, no one else finds out."

Of course. Nothing more than your dirty little secret, right Craig? I nod numbly, still sore and aching. I watch Craig stroll from my room, humming a catchy little tune. I sigh loudly and roll to my back, staring up at the ceiling. Goddamn why can I have a normal relationship? It that too much to fucking ask? I need a cigarette; I sit up, grimacing in pain and produce a cancer-stick. I find release as I suck in the nicotine of the smoke. When I'm positive Craig is gone I let the tears fall, tumbling down my cheeks. _How did life get so messed up_? I wonder taking a deep drag on my cig. Clyde is getting ready to move, Craig's pretty pissed about that. Token's family is talking about moving. And everyone else seems to have forgotten all about me. Not that I really care. It's a lot easier being invisible, no one bothers you then. Ever since the docs put me on my new meds I've been not so twitchy, the only problem is the voice keep getting louder. I wish they'd leave me alone. I pull my knees to my chest and rest my chin on them. I feel like killing myself. It'd solve so much. My death. Besides who would miss me? No one. My parents hardly seen to acknowledge my presence anymore. The kids at school wouldn't know me from a hole in the ground. So why care? It doesn't matter if I live or die. I wonder what death would feel like. Cold grappling hands gripping my throat and dragging me down into the blackness? A flash of blinding light? Death is a welcomed friend as far as I'm concerned. South Park sucks. My ass hurts. I take a long drag and snuff my smoke out on my bed sheets. I feel like throwing up. Craig fucked me. Took my virginity. The worst part is I know he doesn't love me. Even if he says he does. Lies. All lies. That's all they ever do. Lie. I tug my hair, pulling a clump out. I grimace briefly. I'm use to pain. It doesn't bother me. I finally get my ass out of bed and tug on a pair of jeans and a grimy t-shirt.

_God,_ I think as soon as I step outside, _it's colder than a yeti's right nut._ I kinda wish I'd put on a jacket. Well too late now. I'm not going back in. The cold air cuts through my thin body, I need to eat more. I chew my lip, drawing blood. Ow. I drink the tangy taste of my own blood. Life, death, what's the difference? I want to die. Life sucks. But I bet death's sucky too.

"Hi Tweek!" I turn to see Butters. Happy, smiling Butters. How the hell can he stay so damn happy? His hand is still in the cast. Cartman broke three of his fingers. His nose too. Poor fucker. I give Butters a half-hearted smile. We walk side by side for a while. Just enjoying the others company.

Then before thinking I blurt, "Hey, how come you stay with Cartman? He's total dick."

Butters shrugs and turns to point at the railroad, "Lets watch the train go by!" He suggested.

_Weird fucker._ I think a small sad smile on my lips as my eyes catalog the bruises on Butters' pale flesh. _How did things get so fucking messed up?_ Just months ago we'd all be happy healthy kids. None of this closeted gay shit, or openly gay shit for that matter. What had happened? My head feels clogged, my vision blurs, pain shoots through my skull. I want to die.

"Hey Butters, you ever think about killin yourself?"

"Well ah sure Tweek. Who hasn't?"

"I think everything would be better if I died."

"Tweek!" Butters gasps, "You don't really believe that! …Do you?"

"Yeah Butters I do." We sit next to the tracks, I pull my knees to my chest resting my chin on them. "'Sides who's miss me?"

"Well I'ah would!"

I glance at him, "Maybe…for a while y'know. Then you'd forget about me." I shrug, "I'm ok with that. I don't want to be remembered."

"Tweek, I don't like you talkin like that."

"I'm gonna kill myself Butters. So you just better go home."

"What are you talkin about?" Butters yelps, "Don't talk like that."

The train's barreling down the tracks now. I stand, look back at Butters, "See ya Scotch." I smile, giving him a little wave. The train's close, butters screaming, I stand in the middle of the tracks, criags arms around me, love, sex, pain, craig, craig, eyes close, bliss.

* * *

**The Mistress: Well that was depressing. Why do all my favorite characters die or get abused in you stories?**

**Me: 'Cause I'm a sick sick little girl. Oh and cuz I let Misery write most of this.**

**The Mistress: -_-' Of course you did.**

**Me: Hey, where is Misery?**

**Misery: -Strolls in- Tryin to roast these damn marshmallows. We need some flamers!**

**Me: Indeed. They amuse me. **

**Well that's the end of our little babble, remember to R&R children. Or Misery will sneak into your room and mmmffff**

**The Mistress: That's enough from you Goodnight and Good luck.**


End file.
